Regaining Hope


Assemblage 23 — Damaged Lyrics

I am merely the product
Of the life that I’ve lived
An amalgam of sorrows
And the wisdom they give
But the weight has grown heavy
And its dragging me down
It’s so hard not to sink now
But I don’t want to drown

CHORUS
I’m damaged
But somehow I’ve managed
This far
But I don’t know if I can find my way back home
I’m damaged
But somehow I’ve managed
For now
But I don’t think I can face this on my own

There is beauty in hardship
There are poems in grief
There are trials we must go through
Though they may shake our beliefs

But I don’t know how I got here
Lost in the cynical dusk
Set adrift in the worry
That I’ve no one to trust

(CHORUS)

If to suffer is holy
I’ll take my share of the pain
I can swim through this sadness
If there’s something to gain

I can reach for the surface
And try to pull myself free
But the last thing I want is
To drag you down here with me

Rich speaking –> There is a lot of this that I agree with, but there are some things here that aren’t quite right. I need to get it right to help my recovery. Right now I am working on regaining my hope, my life, my future, my health etc. Felt so hopeless in a lot of ways this last year. I wanted so much more out of life. I kinda have let everything slip between being out of full time ministry, being diagnosed with Lupus and having a couple of jobs that I hate. I need that closeness with God that I had in ministry to keep me sharp. If I fall back into “I am just a fast food worker” and not a disciple of Christ with a divine plan, then I ending up feeling like nothing matters.

I’m damaged
But somehow I’ve managed
This far
But I don’t know if I can find my way back home
I’m damaged
But somehow I’ve managed
For now
But I don’t think I can face this on my own

You know what? Home might not be the same as it was before. I think of Abraham who left his home in the Chaldees to go to a land that God had shown him. Was that his home?

Hebrews 11:8-10 By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.

Hebrews 11:16 Instead, they were longing for a better country–a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

So home is where God leads you to. I need to make sure not to get “homesick” for a “home” that was just a resting place for a little while.

As far as facing it on my own, I am thankful that is not part of the way that God planned recovery. I am thankful for Christian brothers and sisters who understand what I am going through, at least in part and will lift me up in prayer. I am thankful for the ministry of Celebrate Recovery. I am thankful for the men who were in my small group, and the honesty that was there and can be called on at any time. I appreciate that level of trust. I have a couple of phone calls to make.

There is beauty in hardship
There are poems in grief
There are trials we must go through
Though they may shake our beliefs

I believe that God doesn’t waste any experience, any pain. It may not feel like it at the time. It may be overwhelming. But there is a depth of character that God produces in a person as they go through, and there is an empathy you can have only because of suffering. I wish that no one would have to suffer. But since the Fall everyone suffers and to be real, and minister to real needs I think that you have to have a base of suffering to work from to be relevant. Otherwise one is all surface and fluff. I appreciate that David when he wrote the Psalms suffered a lot. His experiences through those suffering times ministers to me as I go through my own dark times and difficulties.

If to suffer is holy
I’ll take my share of the pain
I can swim through this sadness
If there’s something to gain

Interesting Colossians 1:24 says “Now I rejoice in what was suffered for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.” There is something to gain. Obviously Christ struggles and suffered for our Salvation. He is not here physically, but we are here physically. Sometimes we go through difficulties now as part of ministering to others.

Who is betters to ministers to those with cancer, than one who as gone through that? Who is better as ministering to those who have lost jobs than one who has lost a job? The list goes on and on.

I really struggled yesterday, last night and this morning. I went off to church today. I didn’t know if I would be up to it.

Evan Roberts the famous Welsh revivalist encouraged others as he has been encouraged “to never miss a church meeting because you never know when the Holy Spirit would show up.” I didn’t want to miss something if God has a special message for me.

Everything that I have told you, with hope and recovery was confirmed this morning. The book that I had been reading as a corrective “Life’s Healing Choices” is going to be a book that the whole church goes through. There is a possibility at this point that I may be tapped to start a new Celebrate Recovery chapter here in Spokane. Nothing could make me happier, give me more hope. It is my heart and passion, and I look forward to being used again in that way. My prayer has been “Cleanse me, Use me.” I was struggling most with not being used by God. It looks like today there is going to be a whole new start. I am happy for that hope. It has been a LONG time coming.

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